Rant

So, my "amazing" dorm has issues this year.
No internet.

NO HOT WATER.
I am very unhappy about these sudden developments.
Ok. That's my deal this week.
Though I did get to spend some one-on-one time with Casey this week.
It was great.
God Bless!

Back at OBU!

Whew! This week has been downright crazy, and we only had 3 days of classes! I am SOOOO glad that it is Labor Day weekend already! How sad is that man? I love being here, and I know I'm going to enjoy my classes, but it's going to be a ton of work this year! Civ will be interesting, I really like Dr. Powell and Dr. Cole already, so that'll be cool. I'm nervous about the crazy amount of work coming, but it's cool. I'm kind of worried about Intro to Church Music... I'm excited about the class, but I'm always afraid that I'm not going to be "as spiritual" as the person sitting next to me or something. I know that I a studying the field God wants me to, but I don't know where I'm going with it. EEK! Of course, I already knew that, it's just hitting home all the sudden. It'll be fun though. I think God will use this class to bring all of us much closer to Him, which I'm very excited about! That's my prayer, anyway. I've been doing much better this week about doing my quiet time! I know that shouldn't be a big accomplishment, but it kind of is for me. I know that it's what's required of me, but I don't do it. :(. I'll have to get much better about it this year, though, because we get to journal about it for Church Music! :S lol.
Ohhh! Dr. McQuade (my voice prof) said that if I keep singing the way I did for her yesterday, I can go to NATS!! That would be so awesome! It kind of makes me feel like I am getting somewhere with this whole voice thing. I feel like I struggle so much, and (like I said a few weeks ago) I'm just not used to it, but I'm trying and I'm trusting God, so here goes!

God Bless!

My Amazing Week

So, Casey's been visiting this week. I'm absolutely ecstatic! It's been so awesome having him here! He makes my heart happy. Well, that's all for now.
That, and I'm SUPER ready to be back at OBU!!
Love y'all and God Bless!

Saying "I'm Sorry"

...is something I do too often. Of course, let me clarify.
It's not that I intend to go around offending people. I absolutely hate coming across rudely to others. On top of that, of course, is what the New Testament states about offense. It's basically (my paraphrase) that if you do something that will cause your brother (mainly a Christian who is younger than you) to stumble (sin), then YOU yourself are in sin. But mainly I just really hate the idea of offending or generally causing grief to someone else.
But I can't go around all the time apologizing. It's ridiculous. For example, when I'm in the computer center, and all the computers are completely full, why should I feel so bad about having to inform a patron that there is no room for them? It's no one's fault, but I guess if you had to blame someone, it would be that patron's fault because they neither made an appointment nor came at a time when there was an open computer. I need to stop being so timid when it comes to stuff like that. Being a naturally quiet person is very different from being a meek little mouse who refuses to stand up for herself.
So that's my thought for the day. Ttyl! God bless!

Micah's Response to "Struggle"

So, after I sent Micah a copy of my last blog, she sent me this response. I almost cried! Well, I would have if I hadn't been at work (lol). It makes me even more glad that I am blessed to have her as a friend! So...:



Okay...you almost got me to cry...and you know that's a big deal! But I am speechless. Seriously, you know that I feel the same. I can't tell Kelly or Paige or my mom how much I deeply desire to be married (even though, if they asked, I would tell them).

I was actually just thinking last night: If I had to start planning a wedding RIGHT NOW, who would I choose as my Maid of Honor? Well Jacs (I hope you like your new nickname), I choose you! While my other friends are great and I know that they are there for me, none of them have shown the loyalty that you have shown me within the last year. If I need to be irrational and selfish for a few minutes, you let me...and then you snap me back to reality. You humor me and let me call you at crazy hours to let me cry to you that my boyfriend (should we really even call him that? It was 10 DAYS!) just broke up with me with the classic "Christian" excuse.

It's so funny that I was just thinking about the exact same stuff. While all of my other friends have been great through the years, none can compare to you, Jacqueline Marie. I love how when the things in my life get ridiculous (and ridiculous is the right terminology because I have never had as much drama in my life as I have with the past semester), you match my hysterical condition and then take it to the next level. You get angry FOR me, and I love it!

Maybe I just try to see too much of the good in people, but I cannot see you as the Jr. High girl who lashes out at her mother. That doesn't even fit the description of the Jaci that I know! But it helped make the Jaci that I know and love today. I wish you were here with me every second of every day so that I wouldn't have to call you with updates or send you Facebook messages. And I REALLY wish that I could just sit in "the chair" and all my problems would go away.

By the way, you are NEVER allowed to get rid of that chair because even when we are old, I will still barge into your room/house and sit in that chair and tell you what stupid thing some boy (husband? son?) has done.

By the way, I have been meaning to tell you how blessed you are to have Casey in your life. I know that we constantly tease him about being a tortoise, but trust me, it's WAY better than the hare. Think of it as a dance. Casey is taking his time to make this dance as memorable and beautiful as it should be, and I really hope you appreciate that. Enjoy every moment with him. He's the first guy that I have been truly okay with my friend dating. Paige and Jordan are good together, but there is something magical about seeing a couple who, above all, is trying to glorify God. If you two wrote a book on dating, I would buy it!

Anyways, I love you and am done with "Breaking Dawn" (omg! Go buy it!). So, call me, Facebook me, whatev.

Struggle

I am struggling. And I hate it. No seriously.
Hate.
I've never before struggled in anything. Everything in my life has come very easily to me. And I'm sick of having trouble with this.
"This" being music. Not that the music itself is hard. It's looking around at my classmates, who are all amazing, and wishing I were half as good as some of them. It frustrates me to no end not to be number one. And I know this is my pride and ego showing their ugly heads, and I'm working on it, but it's hard! My entire life, I have always been number one, in about everything. I've been top of my class since 1st grade, I've always been a "leader" (kind of) in the youth department...People have always come to me for advice. It's just hard to have to step back and say, "hey, I'm not perfect after all." Not that I've thought I was. But I was "better", in my mind, than so many of the people I spent time with. Now, I'm not amazing compared to the others. I'm just one of the crowd. I have to work at what I'm doing. And work hard. But I love it. I honestly can't imagine doing anything else. (Not that I know where my life is going exactly, but that's another blog for another time!)
As I type, I'm coming to realizations, so bear with me. As I was putting myself on this pedestal, I became more and more of an Elpheba (inside joke for a b****). I've been bossy, manipulative, and whatever else you can think of along that line. That's really the only way I can describe myself sometimes. To others, I've always been told that I was the perfection I made myself in to. I am an actress. I have been for a very long time. It has only been in recent months (ie. since going to OBU) that I have found a group of people with whom I can trust my SELF. The family and friends I've loved for most of my life love me, and are always there for me, but I've put such a show up for years...especially my early teens, when I was an absolute terror. After that, I felt like I had to keep up the persona. I couldn't show them the real me, or they'd get upset. Well, now, not only am I (much!) less afraid to be who God has created me, I am a different person. One who feels less ashamed of who she is in Him. I have changed in great ways, growing closer to Him. I am a much happier person that I was a year and a half ago.
I've seen the true love that God intended us to have one for another through the amazing people I've met this year at OBU. The past year has been life changing. The friends God has blessed me with have been wonderful, and I'm thankful that I have found people who love me for me, and I can be true with. I'm getting rather redundant here, but it's still the truth. As a matter of fact, I think I'll send this to my best friend. I think Miss Micah Reinhart deserves to hear how amazing she is.
That's all for now. Much love.
God bless anyone who reads this!
Let me know if you do, and maybe what you think!

T-S-A!

So, I'm sitting here at work, playing a game that I'm not supposed to. It's called Bubble Shooter, and while that's not relevent at all to anyone else, in the game, I occasionally have to use angled trajectories to get the little "bubbles" where I want them. I was thinking about these angles, and where I learned them, and it occured to me; I devoted 6 years of my life to an organization that will not impact my life one bit in the future.
Technology Student Association. TSA. I was heavily involved in this for so long. Almost a third of my so-far short life. Wow. And it really has nothing to do with my future. I am majoring in Church Music, planning on getting married (down the road) and being a full-time mom. And where does that leave all this random tech trivia? In the past.
But then I thought again. It wasn't all for naught. I loved every minute of it. I mean sure, we had our ups and downs, in events, in chapter affairs. And sure, I may have tried harder to get that State office than almost anything else, and ended up failing, but that didn't hurt me. I mean, it certainly sucked like crazy when it happened, but I kind of think it made me stronger. Failure is one of my deepest fears. But I did it. I failed, and got back up and tried it again. Until it was no longer my turn to try, and I had to step down for the "next generation" to go for it. Also in doing that, I became more prepared for the events I enjoyed, the Prepared Presentation, Extemporaneous Presentation, the design events. (I actually feel like this is starting to sound like a speech for one of those, truthfully! lol) And of course becoming more confident there has helped me in other areas of my life.
But of course that's not the most important part. The people I got to know, the ones I only saw from afar, the things I learned from these amazing people I feel privileged to get to call friends. Like the senior from Jay I met as a lowly 7th grader at my first national conference in Denver, feeling pretty lonely and lost because there were only 2 of us there, and he was much older and we hadn't really become friends yet then. She helped me figure things out, and we stayed in touch for quite a while. I don't know where she is now, but I still keep her in my prayers. And my amazing Shay, who is still one of my closest friends even though we've never lived near each other and hardly get to spend time together! I loved getting to know the officer teams from each year, seeing the dynamic in their bond.

I can't really imagine my high school years without these memories. Sadly that's all there are now, but they are so important to me, and I will never forget it all. haha Like after the Transportation Security Administration was formed, and we walked through airports gettin funny looks because we were kids and had "TSA" on our polos and the tags on our suitcases. We thought it was pretty lame that they stole the name we'd used for 25 years!
It was quite a ride, those years, but it was great. And I thank God for it.