A Letter to Casey #2

June 25, 2008
C,
I guess the one letter I wrote may become a series. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Don't worry, it's all good!
I still miss you like crazy. I miss your voice, your smile, even your putting french fries in my drink in the ARA. Well...maybe not that. ;) But you know what? I'm kind of becoming more and more okay with it. Not that I'll ever like being away from you, but I'm learning how to deal with it.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll become one of those annoying, clingy girlfriends. Or one of those overly bossy, pushy ones. I can tell you've experienced that. I don't always... scratch that; don't usually know what I'm doing. You're my first boyfriend. (I really don't count junior high...) And I guess my first love. I love holding your hand; just sitting next to you in class gives me butterflies. You make my heart happy. So, like I said, I'm at a loss for how things are "supposed" to go, but I think I'm okay with that. Kind of. Because of that, maybe sometimes I'm putting too much on you? There are some things I think the guy should do; say "I love you" first, initiate a first kiss, that sort of thing, but a relationship is a partnership. I mean, no we aren't married, but it's still 2 people working as one.
Sunday, Pastor talked about patience, and it was exactly what I needed, Praise God! I know people would say that being so upset over missing you is silly, but it's real to me, and that's really all that matters. Bit I've been ignoring an important fact: I still have God. No matter what. I should be drawing closer to Him anyway, but if He's to be the center of us, it's all the more important! So, that's my mission this summer.
Another part of the patience thing is about you and where we are going. We joke about how "slowly" you move things forward. And I admit, sometimes it's been frustrating. Especially after watching Drew and Micah move so quickly. But that shattered, and I thank God for you even more. The night you and Drew had a "talk", I had just talked to him, and I was sitting there crying because I didn't feel like we were where we should have been at that time. He was actually afraid I was going to break up with you! Of course not! I still wonder why God blessed me with a man as wonderful as you. <3)
Well, that's all for tonight. Love you!