So, I'm sitting here at work, playing a game that I'm not supposed to. It's called Bubble Shooter, and while that's not relevent at all to anyone else, in the game, I occasionally have to use angled trajectories to get the little "bubbles" where I want them. I was thinking about these angles, and where I learned them, and it occured to me; I devoted 6 years of my life to an organization that will not impact my life one bit in the future.
Technology Student Association. TSA. I was heavily involved in this for so long. Almost a third of my so-far short life. Wow. And it really has nothing to do with my future. I am majoring in Church Music, planning on getting married (down the road) and being a full-time mom. And where does that leave all this random tech trivia? In the past.
But then I thought again. It wasn't all for naught. I loved every minute of it. I mean sure, we had our ups and downs, in events, in chapter affairs. And sure, I may have tried harder to get that State office than almost anything else, and ended up failing, but that didn't hurt me. I mean, it certainly sucked like crazy when it happened, but I kind of think it made me stronger. Failure is one of my deepest fears. But I did it. I failed, and got back up and tried it again. Until it was no longer my turn to try, and I had to step down for the "next generation" to go for it. Also in doing that, I became more prepared for the events I enjoyed, the Prepared Presentation, Extemporaneous Presentation, the design events. (I actually feel like this is starting to sound like a speech for one of those, truthfully! lol) And of course becoming more confident there has helped me in other areas of my life.
But of course that's not the most important part. The people I got to know, the ones I only saw from afar, the things I learned from these amazing people I feel privileged to get to call friends. Like the senior from Jay I met as a lowly 7th grader at my first national conference in Denver, feeling pretty lonely and lost because there were only 2 of us there, and he was much older and we hadn't really become friends yet then. She helped me figure things out, and we stayed in touch for quite a while. I don't know where she is now, but I still keep her in my prayers. And my amazing Shay, who is still one of my closest friends even though we've never lived near each other and hardly get to spend time together! I loved getting to know the officer teams from each year, seeing the dynamic in their bond.
I can't really imagine my high school years without these memories. Sadly that's all there are now, but they are so important to me, and I will never forget it all. haha Like after the Transportation Security Administration was formed, and we walked through airports gettin funny looks because we were kids and had "TSA" on our polos and the tags on our suitcases. We thought it was pretty lame that they stole the name we'd used for 25 years!
It was quite a ride, those years, but it was great. And I thank God for it.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A Letter to Casey #2
June 25, 2008
C,
I guess the one letter I wrote may become a series. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Don't worry, it's all good!
I still miss you like crazy. I miss your voice, your smile, even your putting french fries in my drink in the ARA. Well...maybe not that. ;) But you know what? I'm kind of becoming more and more okay with it. Not that I'll ever like being away from you, but I'm learning how to deal with it.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll become one of those annoying, clingy girlfriends. Or one of those overly bossy, pushy ones. I can tell you've experienced that. I don't always... scratch that; don't usually know what I'm doing. You're my first boyfriend. (I really don't count junior high...) And I guess my first love. I love holding your hand; just sitting next to you in class gives me butterflies. You make my heart happy. So, like I said, I'm at a loss for how things are "supposed" to go, but I think I'm okay with that. Kind of. Because of that, maybe sometimes I'm putting too much on you? There are some things I think the guy should do; say "I love you" first, initiate a first kiss, that sort of thing, but a relationship is a partnership. I mean, no we aren't married, but it's still 2 people working as one.
Sunday, Pastor talked about patience, and it was exactly what I needed, Praise God! I know people would say that being so upset over missing you is silly, but it's real to me, and that's really all that matters. Bit I've been ignoring an important fact: I still have God. No matter what. I should be drawing closer to Him anyway, but if He's to be the center of us, it's all the more important! So, that's my mission this summer.
Another part of the patience thing is about you and where we are going. We joke about how "slowly" you move things forward. And I admit, sometimes it's been frustrating. Especially after watching Drew and Micah move so quickly. But that shattered, and I thank God for you even more. The night you and Drew had a "talk", I had just talked to him, and I was sitting there crying because I didn't feel like we were where we should have been at that time. He was actually afraid I was going to break up with you! Of course not! I still wonder why God blessed me with a man as wonderful as you. <3)
Well, that's all for tonight. Love you!
C,
I guess the one letter I wrote may become a series. Lately I've been doing some thinking. Don't worry, it's all good!
I still miss you like crazy. I miss your voice, your smile, even your putting french fries in my drink in the ARA. Well...maybe not that. ;) But you know what? I'm kind of becoming more and more okay with it. Not that I'll ever like being away from you, but I'm learning how to deal with it.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll become one of those annoying, clingy girlfriends. Or one of those overly bossy, pushy ones. I can tell you've experienced that. I don't always... scratch that; don't usually know what I'm doing. You're my first boyfriend. (I really don't count junior high...) And I guess my first love. I love holding your hand; just sitting next to you in class gives me butterflies. You make my heart happy. So, like I said, I'm at a loss for how things are "supposed" to go, but I think I'm okay with that. Kind of. Because of that, maybe sometimes I'm putting too much on you? There are some things I think the guy should do; say "I love you" first, initiate a first kiss, that sort of thing, but a relationship is a partnership. I mean, no we aren't married, but it's still 2 people working as one.
Sunday, Pastor talked about patience, and it was exactly what I needed, Praise God! I know people would say that being so upset over missing you is silly, but it's real to me, and that's really all that matters. Bit I've been ignoring an important fact: I still have God. No matter what. I should be drawing closer to Him anyway, but if He's to be the center of us, it's all the more important! So, that's my mission this summer.
Another part of the patience thing is about you and where we are going. We joke about how "slowly" you move things forward. And I admit, sometimes it's been frustrating. Especially after watching Drew and Micah move so quickly. But that shattered, and I thank God for you even more. The night you and Drew had a "talk", I had just talked to him, and I was sitting there crying because I didn't feel like we were where we should have been at that time. He was actually afraid I was going to break up with you! Of course not! I still wonder why God blessed me with a man as wonderful as you. <3)
Well, that's all for tonight. Love you!
the Names of God
Yahweh / Y H W H ~ LORD
Jehovah ~ LORD
Jehovah-Jireh ~ The Lord Will Provide
Jehovah-Rophe ~ The Lord Who Heals
Jehovah-Nissi ~ The Lord my Banner
Jehovah-Shalom ~ The Lord is Peace
Jehovah-Tsuri ~ The Lord is My Rock
Jehovah-Roi ~ The Lord is My Shepherd
Jehovah-Shammah ~ The Lord is There
Jehovah-Tsidkenu ~ The Lord our Righteousness
El ~ GOD
El Elyon ~ God Most High
Elohim ~ Mighty Creator
El Roi ~ the God Who Sees
El Shaddai ~ God Almighty
El Olam ~ The Everlasting God
Abba ~ Father
Adonai ~ Master
Adonai Elohai ~ The Lord my God
Adonia Avinu ~ The Lord our Father
Esh Oklah ~ Consuming Fire
Ehyeh asher Ehyeh ~ I Am That I Am
These are only the ones I could find. Isn't it amazing that He is everything we could want or need??? He's our rock and fulfillment, our safety and the God who LOVES us no matter what. Food for thought. :)
These are only the ones I could find. Isn't it amazing that He is everything we could want or need??? He's our rock and fulfillment, our safety and the God who LOVES us no matter what. Food for thought. :)
Sunday, July 6, 2008
A Letter to Casey
June 19, 2008
Babe,
Every once in a while, I wish I were amazingly eloquent and able to write these beautiful notes or songs that I read from other people.
I miss you. More than you could think. Sometimes so much it hurts. These 8 o'clock hours in the library almost kill me because I've been sitting, thinking for too long, and my mind constantly comes back to you. Sometimes it's like you're not even real. I love our conversations, but I can't always see your face clearly in my head, or hear your voice. But when I'm trying to fall asleep at night, I can almost feel your hand in mine or your arms around me, in a hug like that long one the day before we left OBU. It's then I can remember just how much I love you, and why I can't...no, why I don't want to imagine my life without you anymore. The little things, putting your hand on my back in Walmart, like you're saying "yeah, you're mine", and the sweet things you say, that make me fall more and more for you every day.
Sometimes I miss the "old" days though. The flirty messages on facebook, and the uber-nervous feeling I got the day you came to pick me up for our first date. I doubt I'll ever forget that, by the way. Chili's. Dan in Real Life, AND a Rainbow cinnamon roll. And you. The most perfect evening I could imagine. I still get those butterflies sometimes, when you're looking at me and I have no idea what you're thinking. I wish, sometimes, when you are sitting there looking into my eyes, that you would just kiss me. Put your arms around me like you never want to let go.
ily ♥
Right now, thinking about all the reasons why, you are more real to me than ever. You are amazing. You are a man intent on following God. You understand me. You know when something's not right. You care. I feel like I could tell you basically anything. But then again, I can't. I feel like we don't talk about the "big" things. God is supposed to be the center of our relationship, so talking about Him should be easy, right? So why don't we do it? I pray that we can get to a point where it is easy to talk about spiritual things with one another. I'm definitely partly to blame. I don't necessarily bring it up because I don't know as much as I should for having been saved for 6 years. That makes sense, right? I really hope so.
The future is another thing. I'm not saying we should get married tomorrow, neither of us is ready, but I "feel" like God is saying that you are the one He says I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving and serving as the wife to. You are going to be a minister, of sorts, not preaching from the pulpit, but an essential part of the worship of God. God has called me to be the wife of a minister, and is preparing me to be that, a (in the works!) godly woman who follows her husband wherever God calls him. I can see us married. I know it's too soon and all, but I can see God providing a way. You're going to Seminary after OBU, and I'd either do a Women's Studies program, or get my Master's in Vocal Pedagogy. Either way, I'd be with you supporting you.
Love you,
Jaci♥
Babe,
Every once in a while, I wish I were amazingly eloquent and able to write these beautiful notes or songs that I read from other people.
I miss you. More than you could think. Sometimes so much it hurts. These 8 o'clock hours in the library almost kill me because I've been sitting, thinking for too long, and my mind constantly comes back to you. Sometimes it's like you're not even real. I love our conversations, but I can't always see your face clearly in my head, or hear your voice. But when I'm trying to fall asleep at night, I can almost feel your hand in mine or your arms around me, in a hug like that long one the day before we left OBU. It's then I can remember just how much I love you, and why I can't...no, why I don't want to imagine my life without you anymore. The little things, putting your hand on my back in Walmart, like you're saying "yeah, you're mine", and the sweet things you say, that make me fall more and more for you every day.
Sometimes I miss the "old" days though. The flirty messages on facebook, and the uber-nervous feeling I got the day you came to pick me up for our first date. I doubt I'll ever forget that, by the way. Chili's. Dan in Real Life, AND a Rainbow cinnamon roll. And you. The most perfect evening I could imagine. I still get those butterflies sometimes, when you're looking at me and I have no idea what you're thinking. I wish, sometimes, when you are sitting there looking into my eyes, that you would just kiss me. Put your arms around me like you never want to let go.
ily ♥
Right now, thinking about all the reasons why, you are more real to me than ever. You are amazing. You are a man intent on following God. You understand me. You know when something's not right. You care. I feel like I could tell you basically anything. But then again, I can't. I feel like we don't talk about the "big" things. God is supposed to be the center of our relationship, so talking about Him should be easy, right? So why don't we do it? I pray that we can get to a point where it is easy to talk about spiritual things with one another. I'm definitely partly to blame. I don't necessarily bring it up because I don't know as much as I should for having been saved for 6 years. That makes sense, right? I really hope so.
The future is another thing. I'm not saying we should get married tomorrow, neither of us is ready, but I "feel" like God is saying that you are the one He says I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving and serving as the wife to. You are going to be a minister, of sorts, not preaching from the pulpit, but an essential part of the worship of God. God has called me to be the wife of a minister, and is preparing me to be that, a (in the works!) godly woman who follows her husband wherever God calls him. I can see us married. I know it's too soon and all, but I can see God providing a way. You're going to Seminary after OBU, and I'd either do a Women's Studies program, or get my Master's in Vocal Pedagogy. Either way, I'd be with you supporting you.
Love you,
Jaci♥
Are we loud enough???
We are on this earth for one reason. That is to glorify our Heavenly Father, in whatever way He has given you the ability. We are called to be a witness to others, to be a light to this dark world. We also have the privilege of praising Him! It's not a right, or just something we do. He is the Almighty God, and He created us for Himself, and we are blessed to have the opportunity to praise and glorify Him, in whatever fashion. Those of us who can proudly and thankfully say that we are cleansed by the Savior's blood, that we are Christians (LITTLE CHRIST), need to remember that it was not our destiny or our right to become so. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to claim such an awesome thing. Now, our praise.
The Bible says that is we refuse to cry out His glory, the rocks themselves will do it. Imagine that! The rocks crying out in praise to the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords! How amazing! But they shouldn't have to, obviously. And we do open our mouths and sing of Him. My question is,
ARE WE LOUD ENOUGH??
Simply sitting in a church pew, singing, while it is great, is not enough. We are called to go out into the world, preaching the Gospel! it reminds me of a song I know, called Who Will Go to America?:
"They left their homes in America
to cross the ocean wide and blue.
They carried the cross,
not caring the loss,
so other souls could hear the truth.
But the light's grown dim in America.
And sin will be our nation's doom.
We need more preaching in America,
for Jesus is coming soon.
Who will go to America?
Land of the Red, White, and Blue?
Who will go to America?
Tell me brother, why not you?
Our Savior sent His children forth
to go to every land.
To the islands of the uttermost,
to find forgotten men.
But the most forgotten mission field
is within our country's chores.
So who will go to America?
She needs Jesus Christ the Lord!"
Right now, there are more Christians is CHINA than there are in America! A communist country where Christianity is illegal. And yet, they are more willing to share with their loved ones than we are!
The skit guys said that "You are the only Bible some people will ever read. Do it justice."
I firmly believe that each of us is where we currently are for a reason. Whether is be a school, job, town, whether you love it or hate it, it doesn't matter. All things work together for them that love the Lord, to them that are called according to His purpose. You, me, we may be the only Christian the people I interact with every day come in contact with. And I have the audacity to not say a word???? When these people are dying and going to hell every minute across the world?? I'm not saying I'm faultless, I don't witness and share as I should. I'm as guilty as the next schmoe with my excuses of why I can't or don't.
There are people out there wanting to kill each and every one of us, merely because we do believe in the one true God. And this world is becoming more and more unfriendly to Christians. But those people who become obsessed, like radical Muslims and cultists, have more loyalty to their false hope than we do to God! They will do anything to further their cause, while we sit at home on our tushes and wait for the world to come to us. The world's not going to slow down, so we have to get up and run out there. every minute head toward those people we ignore. No, it's not easy, but it's our DUTY. Plain and simple. How can we say we love God if we aren't willing to share Him? We get a new purse, a new car, whatever, and we run out and tell our buddies immediately, but we don't share the most awesome gift ever given? We can't call them our friends if this is how we act.
Christianity today needs a REVOLUTION. For our generation to stand up and say "I don't care what's going on around me, I'm getting back to the basics of the Bible and sharing it, because the simple truth is the only thing that works.
We have to be louder! Our job is to reach the farthest corners of the earth, and we aren't even close because we don't go. We just don't go. And how sad is that?
GET LOUD.
The Bible says that is we refuse to cry out His glory, the rocks themselves will do it. Imagine that! The rocks crying out in praise to the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords! How amazing! But they shouldn't have to, obviously. And we do open our mouths and sing of Him. My question is,
ARE WE LOUD ENOUGH??
Simply sitting in a church pew, singing, while it is great, is not enough. We are called to go out into the world, preaching the Gospel! it reminds me of a song I know, called Who Will Go to America?:
"They left their homes in America
to cross the ocean wide and blue.
They carried the cross,
not caring the loss,
so other souls could hear the truth.
But the light's grown dim in America.
And sin will be our nation's doom.
We need more preaching in America,
for Jesus is coming soon.
Who will go to America?
Land of the Red, White, and Blue?
Who will go to America?
Tell me brother, why not you?
Our Savior sent His children forth
to go to every land.
To the islands of the uttermost,
to find forgotten men.
But the most forgotten mission field
is within our country's chores.
So who will go to America?
She needs Jesus Christ the Lord!"
Right now, there are more Christians is CHINA than there are in America! A communist country where Christianity is illegal. And yet, they are more willing to share with their loved ones than we are!
The skit guys said that "You are the only Bible some people will ever read. Do it justice."
I firmly believe that each of us is where we currently are for a reason. Whether is be a school, job, town, whether you love it or hate it, it doesn't matter. All things work together for them that love the Lord, to them that are called according to His purpose. You, me, we may be the only Christian the people I interact with every day come in contact with. And I have the audacity to not say a word???? When these people are dying and going to hell every minute across the world?? I'm not saying I'm faultless, I don't witness and share as I should. I'm as guilty as the next schmoe with my excuses of why I can't or don't.
There are people out there wanting to kill each and every one of us, merely because we do believe in the one true God. And this world is becoming more and more unfriendly to Christians. But those people who become obsessed, like radical Muslims and cultists, have more loyalty to their false hope than we do to God! They will do anything to further their cause, while we sit at home on our tushes and wait for the world to come to us. The world's not going to slow down, so we have to get up and run out there. every minute head toward those people we ignore. No, it's not easy, but it's our DUTY. Plain and simple. How can we say we love God if we aren't willing to share Him? We get a new purse, a new car, whatever, and we run out and tell our buddies immediately, but we don't share the most awesome gift ever given? We can't call them our friends if this is how we act.
Christianity today needs a REVOLUTION. For our generation to stand up and say "I don't care what's going on around me, I'm getting back to the basics of the Bible and sharing it, because the simple truth is the only thing that works.
We have to be louder! Our job is to reach the farthest corners of the earth, and we aren't even close because we don't go. We just don't go. And how sad is that?
GET LOUD.
Can I keep doing this? Do I want to?...
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep trying and trying, knowing the same result will come every time? Things have changed. Not for the better, this time. I'm not the person I was, which isn't a bad thing, but other people haven't changed at all. Or, if they have, it hasn't been a good thing. People don't always mature as they get older, and I'm finding that the people I've relied on for half my life no longer care to be a part of it. Or, if they care, they either don't know how or care to show it.
So, for my part, I will always continue to love this person, but I cannot put my heart and hope on the line and have is shattered again and again. 2 1/2 years. That is how long it's been going downhill. Of course, I am not blameless, but I've tried. Isn't that worth something? Maybe not, but it's all I can do.
So, for my part, I will always continue to love this person, but I cannot put my heart and hope on the line and have is shattered again and again. 2 1/2 years. That is how long it's been going downhill. Of course, I am not blameless, but I've tried. Isn't that worth something? Maybe not, but it's all I can do.
From March 30, 2008
Caution: Everything in One. You've Been Warned!!
This is all a bunch of topics that have been accumulating in my head for a while. I have meant to write about each of these things separately, but now they are just going to all be here. These are my thoughts, and anyone who reads them, be prepared. I am not writing it to make anyone uncomfortable, or to change the way they think about me or anything else. I like being able to share, and if someone does read this, great, but if not, that’s ok. :) Enjoy!
So, I don’t miss pews.
Yup, that’s right, I said it. All this time, I keep saying that I do, but no, it’s a lie. What brought this about, you ask? The most uncomfortable pew I’ve ever sat on, Sunday evening. The service, or actually, concert, was amazing, though. The group was great, and the spirit was so wonderful. So many of their songs were so powerful and touching. My favorite part was the end, though. One of the group members got up after the music, and spoke. It was kind of a mini-sermon, but mostly it was a salvation message. It was really exciting! The only thing was, while I was listening, I was shocked to realize that this was the first salvation message I had heard preached in Shawnee. It made me really sad to think about, because that’s the whole reason! If we aren’t doing our part, as we are supposed to, especially as a church body, to fulfill Christ last instruction, to go into the world and bring them to Him, what is the point? I was really saddened.
It made me realize even more how much I miss Central. I love the people, the youth, the spirit that is there. No matter how hard I try, I will never find another Central. Not that I want to necessarily, because it’s irreplaceable.
It has been a very hard transition the last year or so. I am not the person I was. Most definitely in good ways. God has worked in my life, growing me as a person, but more importantly as a Christian, someone who is concentrated on following HIM. OBU is so very different from home. Not in a bad way, because I love it, and I know that it is where God has called me to be. But it, and even the churches in Shawnee, are quite a change.
I am incredibly thankful that God led me (us) to Calvary. I spent the first semester of school at another church, and I liked it, but it didn’t always feel quite right. I’ve only been attending Calvary for about a month, and that has been very sporadic because of obligations and breaks. But I feel so welcome, and so at peace being there. I can tell that this is where God wants me. I can’t wait until next year (or maybe now) when I can get really involved with the ministry of the church! This morning was an amazing service. I was fighting back tears. But they were all good. So many places nowadays are so afraid to preach the Bible the way it is. They skip around, interpret it strangely, just to make it say what they want. Pastor David mentioned that this morning. Then he went on to preach the best message I’ve heard in Shawnee. I am just so happy right now! -[the only thing that I wonder about is the lack of people going forward.. I know that you can make decisions in the pew, or wherever you are for that matter, but there is something about getting on your knees at the altar, being humbled at the feet of God.. it just feels right to me. It is right]-
When Casey got the call to be the Music Minister at Calvary, I was really excited, not only for him, but I am glad that he can be at a church in Shawnee now, for me as well, because I like the fact that we can go to church together. It seems to me that it is the best way to insure that God is front and center of our relationship, which is (duh) how it should be. This section is going to be a bit about what I think about this --[if you read this, eh, idk. we’ll talk about it if you want, or just read it for what it is and go on]--. "This" being Casey, God, our relationship, and kind of relationships in general. I am unbelievably happy right now. I feel like..no, I’m sure, that this God is saying that this is good. And that is the most important thing, because no matter how much you may like someone, if God says no, the worst thing you can do is to keep pursuing that! All it can do is hurt you, them, and often people around you. And yes, I’ve been connected to this. It hurts. My prayer is that God will bless this, and that we will both concentrate on following Him, and be listening to whatever it is He may say about anything. But it works. I am great. And I *think* he feels the same way. [that’s the vibe I get anyway lol].
Well, I warned you. That’s what has been on my mind lately. And I feel like I’m forgetting things, but maybe I’ll remember them and edit this later to make it more complete. Feedback is optional, I like to hear what people think, but eh, it’s whatever.
Well, I love you all, and I will talk to you later!!
♥ Jaci
This is all a bunch of topics that have been accumulating in my head for a while. I have meant to write about each of these things separately, but now they are just going to all be here. These are my thoughts, and anyone who reads them, be prepared. I am not writing it to make anyone uncomfortable, or to change the way they think about me or anything else. I like being able to share, and if someone does read this, great, but if not, that’s ok. :) Enjoy!
So, I don’t miss pews.
Yup, that’s right, I said it. All this time, I keep saying that I do, but no, it’s a lie. What brought this about, you ask? The most uncomfortable pew I’ve ever sat on, Sunday evening. The service, or actually, concert, was amazing, though. The group was great, and the spirit was so wonderful. So many of their songs were so powerful and touching. My favorite part was the end, though. One of the group members got up after the music, and spoke. It was kind of a mini-sermon, but mostly it was a salvation message. It was really exciting! The only thing was, while I was listening, I was shocked to realize that this was the first salvation message I had heard preached in Shawnee. It made me really sad to think about, because that’s the whole reason! If we aren’t doing our part, as we are supposed to, especially as a church body, to fulfill Christ last instruction, to go into the world and bring them to Him, what is the point? I was really saddened.
It made me realize even more how much I miss Central. I love the people, the youth, the spirit that is there. No matter how hard I try, I will never find another Central. Not that I want to necessarily, because it’s irreplaceable.
It has been a very hard transition the last year or so. I am not the person I was. Most definitely in good ways. God has worked in my life, growing me as a person, but more importantly as a Christian, someone who is concentrated on following HIM. OBU is so very different from home. Not in a bad way, because I love it, and I know that it is where God has called me to be. But it, and even the churches in Shawnee, are quite a change.
I am incredibly thankful that God led me (us) to Calvary. I spent the first semester of school at another church, and I liked it, but it didn’t always feel quite right. I’ve only been attending Calvary for about a month, and that has been very sporadic because of obligations and breaks. But I feel so welcome, and so at peace being there. I can tell that this is where God wants me. I can’t wait until next year (or maybe now) when I can get really involved with the ministry of the church! This morning was an amazing service. I was fighting back tears. But they were all good. So many places nowadays are so afraid to preach the Bible the way it is. They skip around, interpret it strangely, just to make it say what they want. Pastor David mentioned that this morning. Then he went on to preach the best message I’ve heard in Shawnee. I am just so happy right now! -[the only thing that I wonder about is the lack of people going forward.. I know that you can make decisions in the pew, or wherever you are for that matter, but there is something about getting on your knees at the altar, being humbled at the feet of God.. it just feels right to me. It is right]-
When Casey got the call to be the Music Minister at Calvary, I was really excited, not only for him, but I am glad that he can be at a church in Shawnee now, for me as well, because I like the fact that we can go to church together. It seems to me that it is the best way to insure that God is front and center of our relationship, which is (duh) how it should be. This section is going to be a bit about what I think about this --[if you read this, eh, idk. we’ll talk about it if you want, or just read it for what it is and go on]--. "This" being Casey, God, our relationship, and kind of relationships in general. I am unbelievably happy right now. I feel like..no, I’m sure, that this God is saying that this is good. And that is the most important thing, because no matter how much you may like someone, if God says no, the worst thing you can do is to keep pursuing that! All it can do is hurt you, them, and often people around you. And yes, I’ve been connected to this. It hurts. My prayer is that God will bless this, and that we will both concentrate on following Him, and be listening to whatever it is He may say about anything. But it works. I am great. And I *think* he feels the same way. [that’s the vibe I get anyway lol].
Well, I warned you. That’s what has been on my mind lately. And I feel like I’m forgetting things, but maybe I’ll remember them and edit this later to make it more complete. Feedback is optional, I like to hear what people think, but eh, it’s whatever.
Well, I love you all, and I will talk to you later!!
♥ Jaci
From December 16, 2007
Reflections and Aspirations from a Country Song
What I have to say in this is nothing new. It is things I have believed for a long time, but was reminded to think about just today. I love reminders, don't you? They convict us of our convictions, and help us stay grounded in our beliefs and standards. They do me anyway. So, here goes!
While in the car on my way home a few minutes ago, I was listening to a country station. (and, no, this will not be a music-bashing rant.) A song came on that I have heard many times, it's no new release, but this time, it struck me in a rather different way. It is a Kenny Chesney song, about a man running into his first real love, who he hasn't seen in years. He tells her that he still remembers their first kiss (and from the context of the song, much more), and thinks about it often. Like I said, this hit me funny, and reminded me of something I firmly believe, and that my Youth Pastor says often: Every time you are too close to someone, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever, you give away a piece of your heart to them. Now, if he thinks about this woman often, and probably any other women he gave his heart to, what does he have left to give to his future (or present) wife?? It is a broken vessel, and he cannot give all of himself and his love to her completely.
This makes me think of a purity conference I went to about 3 years ago, at which we were given a book to read, called "And the Bride Wore White" (referring to the old tradition of the bride only wearing white if she was a virgin). It is a very good book, one which I would recommend to any young woman striving to remain pure in this rather immoral society. One part of the book that especially got me was a section that used symbolism to talk about 3 types of young women there are. The first symbol is a china teacup. It is a beautiful, rare, unique thing. These young ladies have kept themselves pure, and haven't been used much, if at all. They are still just how God created them, and waiting for the man set aside for her. The next image is a plain ceramic coffee mug. There is nothing wrong with a coffee mug, but they are not as precious and unique, and have been used much more often. The final image is a regular styrofoam cup. There are millions of these around, and they are good for little; once they are used, they are merely thrown away. The book asks you to examine yourself, and see what kind of woman you are, and what kind of woman you want to be.
Now, for my aspirations. It is my goal daily to grow nearer to God, and to become the woman He has created me to be. One part of that is to remain pure, waiting for the one man He has for me. Part of this is to remain physically pure, including saving myself for marriage. But it is more than that. I must also remain pure mentally, emotionally, all that, to be the wonderful thing God created me (and all other women!) to be. I desire to be that china cup, given to the man with whom I can grow spiritually; coming closer to the God on whom our relationship is built.
This note is not perfect. It is merely my thoughts and goals, which I felt like sharing. I hope this is a blessing to all those who read it. Enjoy!
And, as you leave, think about kind of drinking vessel you are, and would like to be. God bless!!
What I have to say in this is nothing new. It is things I have believed for a long time, but was reminded to think about just today. I love reminders, don't you? They convict us of our convictions, and help us stay grounded in our beliefs and standards. They do me anyway. So, here goes!
While in the car on my way home a few minutes ago, I was listening to a country station. (and, no, this will not be a music-bashing rant.) A song came on that I have heard many times, it's no new release, but this time, it struck me in a rather different way. It is a Kenny Chesney song, about a man running into his first real love, who he hasn't seen in years. He tells her that he still remembers their first kiss (and from the context of the song, much more), and thinks about it often. Like I said, this hit me funny, and reminded me of something I firmly believe, and that my Youth Pastor says often: Every time you are too close to someone, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever, you give away a piece of your heart to them. Now, if he thinks about this woman often, and probably any other women he gave his heart to, what does he have left to give to his future (or present) wife?? It is a broken vessel, and he cannot give all of himself and his love to her completely.
This makes me think of a purity conference I went to about 3 years ago, at which we were given a book to read, called "And the Bride Wore White" (referring to the old tradition of the bride only wearing white if she was a virgin). It is a very good book, one which I would recommend to any young woman striving to remain pure in this rather immoral society. One part of the book that especially got me was a section that used symbolism to talk about 3 types of young women there are. The first symbol is a china teacup. It is a beautiful, rare, unique thing. These young ladies have kept themselves pure, and haven't been used much, if at all. They are still just how God created them, and waiting for the man set aside for her. The next image is a plain ceramic coffee mug. There is nothing wrong with a coffee mug, but they are not as precious and unique, and have been used much more often. The final image is a regular styrofoam cup. There are millions of these around, and they are good for little; once they are used, they are merely thrown away. The book asks you to examine yourself, and see what kind of woman you are, and what kind of woman you want to be.
Now, for my aspirations. It is my goal daily to grow nearer to God, and to become the woman He has created me to be. One part of that is to remain pure, waiting for the one man He has for me. Part of this is to remain physically pure, including saving myself for marriage. But it is more than that. I must also remain pure mentally, emotionally, all that, to be the wonderful thing God created me (and all other women!) to be. I desire to be that china cup, given to the man with whom I can grow spiritually; coming closer to the God on whom our relationship is built.
This note is not perfect. It is merely my thoughts and goals, which I felt like sharing. I hope this is a blessing to all those who read it. Enjoy!
And, as you leave, think about kind of drinking vessel you are, and would like to be. God bless!!
From September 19, 2007
Bisonette Bible Study Night 1
So, I am completely in awe right now. Tonight was our second night of the bible study, and it was just amazing, and I want to share. We got our study books today, but we aren't starting that until next week. Katie (the leader) wanted tonight to be about growing closer as a group (there are about 8 of us), so that we will feel comfortable later on when we get deeper into the study. When we got there, she gave us papers that had a list of expressions on them. We were to pick 3 that described how we have felt in the last week or so. We then went around and discussed what we picked, and why. It was really enlightening and amazing to get to know more about the other girls. I even learned more about one of my best friends. Well, this is one of the things that I have the most trouble with. I have problems sharing my heart and how I feel with other people. I am very introverted, and like to keep everything inside. I feel like, not only will other people ont understand, but they won't want to bother listening to my problems. What is kind of sad, I don't have the relationship I would like to with God, and I don't turn to Him the way I should either. Well, I had to open up tonight, and it was kind of relieving to be in an environment where I can be comfortable doing that. After that, Katie talked a little about each of the problems we mentioned (and we all had a lot in common), and I could just really feel God's presence moving in our group. I feel completely reawakened right now, and a hunger to grow even more in my relationship with God. I feel, now more than ever, that this is where God wants me to be, and I will find Him here. If you read this, and have any questions, feel free to ask me. I would love to share with you!
Edited the next day:
OMGosh! So, after last night, I was pretty pumped. Today, however, I am utterly amazing! As an assignment for my New Testament class, I had to read the gospel of John in one sitting, and it was enthralling! It was like God was opening my eyes to things I had never known before! After I finished, I was just thinking about God's amazing-ness, and I started praying, and I was on my knees for like 20 minutes, just praising God, and it felt awesome! (and btw, that would be totally Bro. Lynn-approved because I'm using it in reference to God. I just feel a whole new depth to my relationship with Him, and a renewing of His peace in my heart/soul. AAAAHHH! (screaming for the joy I feel!) Praise God!!! He is absolutely amazing!
So, I am completely in awe right now. Tonight was our second night of the bible study, and it was just amazing, and I want to share. We got our study books today, but we aren't starting that until next week. Katie (the leader) wanted tonight to be about growing closer as a group (there are about 8 of us), so that we will feel comfortable later on when we get deeper into the study. When we got there, she gave us papers that had a list of expressions on them. We were to pick 3 that described how we have felt in the last week or so. We then went around and discussed what we picked, and why. It was really enlightening and amazing to get to know more about the other girls. I even learned more about one of my best friends. Well, this is one of the things that I have the most trouble with. I have problems sharing my heart and how I feel with other people. I am very introverted, and like to keep everything inside. I feel like, not only will other people ont understand, but they won't want to bother listening to my problems. What is kind of sad, I don't have the relationship I would like to with God, and I don't turn to Him the way I should either. Well, I had to open up tonight, and it was kind of relieving to be in an environment where I can be comfortable doing that. After that, Katie talked a little about each of the problems we mentioned (and we all had a lot in common), and I could just really feel God's presence moving in our group. I feel completely reawakened right now, and a hunger to grow even more in my relationship with God. I feel, now more than ever, that this is where God wants me to be, and I will find Him here. If you read this, and have any questions, feel free to ask me. I would love to share with you!
Edited the next day:
OMGosh! So, after last night, I was pretty pumped. Today, however, I am utterly amazing! As an assignment for my New Testament class, I had to read the gospel of John in one sitting, and it was enthralling! It was like God was opening my eyes to things I had never known before! After I finished, I was just thinking about God's amazing-ness, and I started praying, and I was on my knees for like 20 minutes, just praising God, and it felt awesome! (and btw, that would be totally Bro. Lynn-approved because I'm using it in reference to God. I just feel a whole new depth to my relationship with Him, and a renewing of His peace in my heart/soul. AAAAHHH! (screaming for the joy I feel!) Praise God!!! He is absolutely amazing!
From June 11, 2007
Hey ya'll!
This year at camp was pretty awesome. Bro. Marshall was an amazing speaker, and there were a lot of decisions made, and about 12 salvations, including a guy from our youth department (go Briggs!).
Thankfully, there was no major drama this year. The girls made up a pretty close-knit group, and the guys always get along. There were a few guy-girl dramas, but nothing big.
Bro. Marshall taught on the Prodigal Son, from Luke 15. Each message had a different stage of his life, and different "nuggets" of Biblical wisdom.
On Tuesday night, I cried. On Thurdsay night, I cried. The first time, he had preached about the people in our lives, about knowing whether or not they are saved. I realized that, though I had been saved for 4 years, I had rarely witnessed to the people in my high school. Sure, I gave FCA lessons all last year, and I had a good example. I didn't smoke, drink, go to those parties, cuss, or anything like that. But there are very few people I can remember that I actually witnessed to. Unfortunately, I may never see many of those people again. And when I think that I could have been their only chance to hear the gospel? I was (am) very upset, because any or all of the people I spent 12 years of school with may die and go to hell.
On Thursday night, the Holy Spirit was pushing on me a lot. For years, I have, like the verse says, had a form of godliness, but denied the power. I am saved, I know that for sure. But just like I didn't witness to others, I never have had a real relationship with God. I don't read my Bible and pray every day, etc. I put up a good front, and maybe it's not even that good. People can probably tell. That night, I spent time in prayer, and am going to change that. I am dedicating my life completely to gaining that relationship with God, and getting closer to Him. I wanted to let other people know, so that I can have witnesses to try to keep me accountable.
God Bless!
Jaci
From January 15, 2007
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin." I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say..."I am a Christian."
I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain, I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin." I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say..."I am a Christian."
I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain, I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.
Nummer Eins
This is my first "Blogger" entry. I'm not going to add all of my posts from previous sites, only the ones I feel are most important. I'm also not necessarily going to give out this site to my friends. If they find it, okay, but it's really just for me. If anyone is reading, enjoy!
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